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Ben and Jen
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<h2 class="elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large">OUR STORY</h2> </div>
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<div class="bb-theme-elementor-wrap bb-elementor-custom-family bb-elementor-custom-size bb-elementor-custom-line-height"> <p>We met at a <strong>coffee social</strong> a few months before my 25th birthday. I thought Ben was <strong>smart,</strong> and <strong>cute</strong> and invited him to my party, not expecting him to show up. <strong>But he did</strong>! And he s<strong>wept me off my feet</strong>, taking me on our first date the very next week, and trekking across town to surprise me at midnight for my <strong>first ever</strong> New Years kiss!</p><p>We<strong> married</strong> a couple of years later and have been together for <strong>10 beautiful years</strong>. During that time, I started a <strong>literary agency</strong>, and we too just celebrated 10 years of representing writers and artists. Ben has been working in<strong> tech</strong> for the same company since we met.</p><p>We welcomed our<strong> first </strong>living child, <strong>Oliver</strong>, in January of 2023!</p> </div> </div>
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<h2 class="elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large">Our Interests</h2> </div>
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<div class="bb-theme-elementor-wrap bb-elementor-custom-color bb-elementor-custom-family bb-elementor-custom-size"> <p>We both <strong>love</strong> books/reading and playing games (board and video). We spend a lot of time swimming with my parents and <strong>Ollie</strong>, walking Zuko (our dog and <strong>Ollie’s best friend</strong>), and at the park or Wild Animal Park with Ollie. I also am a polymer clay hobbyist.</p> </div> </div>
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<h2 class="elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large">What led us to Surrogacy</h2> </div>
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<div class="bb-theme-elementor-wrap bb-elementor-custom-family bb-elementor-custom-size bb-elementor-custom-line-height"> <p>We always knew it might be <strong>challenging</strong> for us to conceive because of my <strong>PCOS,</strong> but we never<strong> imagined</strong> the numerous fertility hurdles we would actually face.</p><p>After<strong> 5</strong> years, <strong>4</strong> rounds of IUI, <strong>2</strong> IVF retrievals, and <strong>6</strong> transfers to me (the first of which resulted in a pregnancy and <strong>devastating loss</strong> at 5 months), we <strong>turned to surrogacy</strong> to help make our <strong>dream</strong> of parenthood come true.</p><p>We feel so fortunate that with the help of an <strong>amazing surrogate</strong>, we welcomed our incredible <strong>little boy, </strong>Oliver<strong>, </strong>in January of 2023!</p> </div> </div>
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<h2 class="elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large">Our Hopes & Dreams for Our Future Child</h2> </div>
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<div class="bb-theme-elementor-wrap bb-elementor-custom-family bb-elementor-custom-size bb-elementor-custom-line-height"> <p>We both have <strong>siblings</strong>, and we know how special that <strong>bond</strong> can be. And while we know it’s not always this way, I have an <strong>incredible relationship</strong> with my little sister, and its been really cool to have someone in my life who has seen every version of me and<strong> loved</strong> me all through (and I her!).</p><p>In raising our <strong>children</strong>, our <strong>hope</strong> is that they will know how <strong>very loved and wanted</strong> they are, that they will<strong> lead </strong>with<strong> kindness</strong> in their communities, and be a <strong>positive force</strong> in this world and find joy in the <strong>small</strong> things (as we do!).</p> </div> </div>
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<h2 class="elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large">AN OPEN LETTER TO OUR FUTURE SURROGATE</h2> </div>
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<div class="bb-theme-elementor-wrap bb-elementor-custom-color bb-elementor-custom-family bb-elementor-custom-size"> <p>First, thank you so much for your interest and for reading our story. The very <strong>short version </strong>is that Ben (my partner) and I went through a <strong>seven-year</strong> journey to become parents via <strong>surrogacy</strong> to our beautiful son <strong>Oliver</strong>. During that journey, we had a lot of <strong>bumps in the road </strong>and significant loss. In the end, my body no longer seemed able to carry a pregnancy after the <strong>trauma</strong> of losing our first baby at five months. With the help of our GC (gestational carrier), we were<strong> finally</strong> able to become parents to a living child, which has been the <strong>most incredible dream come true.</strong> Now, we are hoping to find someone new (as our previous GC has maxed out on pregnancies allowable for surrogacy) to help us<strong> complete</strong> our family.</p><p>Our hope is to find an <strong>experienced surrogate</strong> who ideally lives near enough to drive to our clinic in San Diego for<strong> critical </strong>appointments. It would also be very nice to live close by for practical reasons in terms of appointments and birth plans! Something to know about us is that I have some<strong> chronic</strong> (but well-managed) health issues that put me at higher risk for Covid complications, especially longer-term. Under the advisement of my excellent care team, we are a “<strong>covid-cautious</strong>” family (meaning we are vaccinated and mask when we go out indoors or into crowds outdoors). We fully <strong>understand</strong> that just by the nature of a potential surrogate having had uncomplicated pregnancies, this will mean that you have little ones and that your family will not be able to be as restrictive as ours. That’s <strong>totally OK</strong>. Our primary ask is that you are comfortable getting <strong>vaccinated</strong> for flu, Covid, and TDAP (and anything else your doctor might recommend). Beyond that, we will mask at any appointments where it’s agreed we can attend, but you do not have to join us in this if you’re not comfortable! Having been on a surrogacy journey before, we know a lot better what to expect and feel both<strong> calm</strong> and<strong> excited</strong> to experience this with someone <strong>new</strong>. We are so grateful to anyone reading this and considering helping us make this <strong>dream come true</strong>.</p> </div> </div>
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<h2 class="elementor-heading-title elementor-size-large">Extra Information</h2> </div>
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<li>Names: Ben & Jen
Location: Murrieta, CA
Number of embryos: 10 PGS tested embryos
The Biggest Ask – if interested, email hello@thebiggestask.com
Fertility Clinic: San Diego Fertility Center
Surrogate Compensation: High
Fertility Clinic: Prefer a surrogate who is COVID vaccinated
Requirements: Ideally, local, completed at least 1 previous surrogacy journey, and COVID cautious/vaccinated.
The Biggest Ask Says
The American Society for Reproductive Medicine provides the following recommendations for evaluation of gestational carriers (i.e., many fertility clinics will require the following for their gestational carriers):
- Carried at least 1 child without complications
- Fewer than 3 deliveries via c-section
- Be within the ages of 21 and 45
- Body mass index in between 19 and 32
- No smoking, abusing drugs, alcohol or prescription medications
- Not receiving welfare, public housing or cash assistance from the government
- Has a stable home life with emotional and child care support
- No mental health conditions requiring the use of medications within the last 6 months (including depression)
- No criminal record
Watch the following video to review the Medical and Psychological Clearance procedures that surrogates must complete.
No one likes to talk about surrogate compensation, but it is an important factor in any surrogacy agreement. The following is how we classify high, medium and low compensation (excluding the value of any benefits). Many factors affect surrogate compensation including surrogate experience (e.g., has the woman been a surrogate before?), whether the surrogate is signed up with an agency and surrogate preferences.
- Low = surrogate compensation less than $30,000
- Medium = surrogate compensation between $30,000 and $45,000
- High = surrogate compensation greater than $45,000
You can learn more about how much surrogates get paid in our surrogacy guide’s module: “How much does surrogacy cost?”.
Could you be their surrogate?
If you're interested in learning more about John & Laura, send us an email at hello@thebiggestask.com - subject line "John & Laura".
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